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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29551449">Not Like I Faint, Every Time We Touch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scallywap/pseuds/scallywap'>scallywap</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crushes, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Touch-Starved Shane Madej, post-covid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:29:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29551449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scallywap/pseuds/scallywap</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan could count on one hand how many times Shane had willingly hugged him over the course of their friendship.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Shyan Shipping Society Stories</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Like I Faint, Every Time We Touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ah, baby's first Shyan fic.</p><p>Ironically this was not the fic I thought I would be posting as my introduction to this fandom, but the idea came to me and I needed to write it down instantly.  Thank you to AJ for bullying me to complete this and Mory for beta-reading!</p><p>Title taken from Jennifer Paige's song "Crush"</p><p>EDITED 24/02/21: Just got rid of some very obvious spelling errors that I somehow missed in the final edit.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ryan could count on one hand how many times Shane had willingly hugged him over the course of their friendship.</p><p>The first time was at the Sallie House, back when Shane had just started on Unsolved. Ryan had gotten better at haunted locations over the years, but the Sallie House had always stayed on his shitlist, even after countless episodes. It had been just after the now famous flashlight incident, which had caused Ryan to bolt out of the house in a fit of anxiety. Shane had followed out behind him, quietly telling the cameramen to stay inside.</p><p>Shane came up to stand awkwardly beside him, unsure at this point in their friendship of how to handle Ryan when he was shaking and nervous. Shane reached around and pulled Ryan in for a very unsure, stiff, one-armed hug, pressing Ryan into his side. Bizarrely, Shane then thought it best to rattle off some Hallmark-sounding affirmations about being brave and facing your fears, which Ryan instantly teased him for. After a few traded insults, his fear had been forgotten and they were ready to go back inside.</p><p>The second time was during a spontaneous BuzzFeed party celebrating the success of the new Unsolved episode making its way to the top of YouTube’s trending tab. Ryan had spent the entire night in a pleasant, drunken daze and people kept coming up to the two of them and congratulating them on their work. Shane shook his head at their praise, and directed it all Ryan’s way, “I just show up on the day, it’s really thanks to this guy.”</p><p>Ryan had left the party with his face flushed from the admiration of his peers, and pride stewing away in his chest. Shane wasn’t far behind him, singing happily along to the music a little too loudly for the still, quiet night. Ryan shushed him with a smile on his face and the two of them waited for their respective Ubers to arrive in companionable silence. As they waited, the heat that had been so present in the party was gradually making its absence known, as the cool night air skated past Ryan’s bare shoulders.</p><p>He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing that he had had the foresight to bring a coat to sling over his Lakers jersey. Shane watched him shiver with half-lidded eyes, and let out a snort of laughter. “C’mere, Ryan. You look miserable.”</p><p>Shane took a step towards Ryan and brought him close for a hug, rubbing his bare arms with a sigh until the friction warmed him back up. Ryan laughed at the maternal nature of the action, pushing him away when he felt sufficiently warm. “Thanks <em> Mom.”</em> he joked with a smile.</p><p>Shane regarded him with a raised eyebrow, “If I were your Mom you’d actually listen to me.” Shane said snippily, lightly shoving Ryan and making him stumble.</p><p>Their most recent hug had been the week before lockdown.</p><p>Things in the world had been looking rough for a while and the news had only been getting worse with each passing day. Eventually, this meant that it was time for the three co-founders of Watcher to put their heads together and make some choices that they had all hoped they’d never have to make. It was lucky, really, that the majority of their planned pilot episodes had been filmed well in advance. They could go ahead with releasing Spooky Small Talk, Homemade and Tourist Trapped, but some of the shows they had planned for later in the year would ultimately have to be scrapped entirely.</p><p>It was upsetting to see their big “First Year as a Real Adult Company” mega-plan had to be changed so drastically, with some of the decisions cutting a little too close to Ryan’s heart for him to be entirely happy with. He understood that pouting and complaining wouldn’t do him any good, of course, but his ‘fixer’ nature felt desperate to try and help the situation in any way he could. However, with each new bullet point Steven addressed, the more Ryan was starting to think that there was just no saving it.</p><p>The meeting ended with the three of them looking at their hands with tense expressions. Ryan’s eyes unfocused and he realised that his eyes were filling with stressed tears. He sniffed abruptly and rubbed at his eyes, the motion drawing Shane’s attention towards him. They locked eyes and Shane gave him a sad, tired smile which Ryan struggled to return.</p><p>Steven left a few minutes after the meeting ended, giving them both a tense nod as he went. Ryan clenched his jaw, and tried not to think about how his heart felt colder than it had in years. He felt Shane’s hand on his shoulder, and was promptly pulled into a tight, wordless hug. Shane held him, gently stroking his hand over Ryan’s shoulder until Ryan felt like he was able to go outside again without exploding with frustrated screams.</p><p>The two of them had been friends for nearly five years. Ryan knew Shane inside and out. And the fact was, that Shane had just never been a hugging type of person. In fact, he wasn’t even much for affection at all. It was fine, it was expected and Ryan was used to it.</p>
<hr/><p>Shane had come back from lockdown… <em> different. </em></p><p>Lockdown ended in August, a full year after lockdown started with some extra months thrown in for good measure. The vaccination had been given to everyone in the office and Steven had made the executive decision to bring everyone back. It had been exciting when the call was made, and Ryan had sent a righteous middle finger to his working-from-home set up in defiance. Their first day back at the office felt like the first day back at school after summer vacation, with everyone greeting each other happily, and discussing how they’ve been, despite the fact that all of them had remained in daily contact for the entire time.</p><p>Ryan had gotten there early, intent on setting up his desk to make sure the Paddington bears were comfortable in their new spot atop a cardboard throne he had made for them during the crazier quarantine times. He had only just gotten their positions right when he heard the door slam open behind him, and the distinct heavy footfall of someone running at him with significant speed. He barely had time to brace for impact before Shane’s body collided against his. The only thing that stopped him from being bowled over were Shane’s surprisingly sturdy arms that wrapped themselves around his middle tightly, keeping him firmly upright.</p><p>He barked out a shock of laughter, and brought his hands up to lay over top of Shane’s. “Hello to you too, man!”</p><p>Shane mumbled a greeting in response and Ryan shook his head at him. Shane pressed his face against Ryan’s shoulder for a second before pulling away. “Sorry, I didn’t realise how much I missed seeing you.” Shane said, sheepishly.</p><p>Ryan blinked at him, before letting a shy smile sneak onto his face. “I missed you too.”</p><p>Shane shuffled away from him with a nod, as if he had accomplished whatever it was he set out to do by attacking Ryan with a hug, and headed over to his own desk. Ryan tilted his head as he watched him, and then looked down to see the two Paddington bears had toppled over in Shane’s attack. He gasped softly and quickly righted them, sitting them down on the throne and making them hold hands. When he was finished, he looked up again to see Shane watching him. Ryan smiled at his friend. “It’s good to have you back, Shane.”</p><p>“Glad to <em> be </em> back.” Shane replied with a dopey grin.</p>
<hr/><p>It happened again the next day.</p><p>Watcher Weekly was back after a long hiatus, meaning that for an hour a week the three of them had the chance to sit down with some coffee and relax. Though, this almost meant Steven trying his best to host, while Shane and Ryan made his job very difficult.</p><p>Steven was in the hot seat this week, talking to the camera about the new season of Homemade that had been green-lit, giving his thanks to their sponsor for making it all possible. To his left, Ryan and Shane sat quietly together on the couch, knowing better than to fuck around during a sponsored bit, lest they taste the wrath of Lim. Really, the two of them didn’t have to sit this close, with their thighs pressed together and Ryan tucked against Shane’s side. But the awareness of the edge of the screen was playing on Ryan’s mind and he shuffled a little closer to make sure that he didn’t accidentally fall out of frame.</p><p>As he shuffled, Shane regarded him with a silent bemused stare, sensing what Ryan was trying to achieve. Without a word, he lifted his arm up to the back of the couch, granting Ryan more space to move and be comfortable. Ryan was suddenly hit with the memory of those cheesy romantic-comedies, where the guy would pull this move to trick the girl into cuddling with him, and his face flushed at the thought. It was stupid of course, Shane had just seen that he was uncomfortable and gave him more space, because he’s a good friend with no ulterior motives. Despite this, Ryan couldn’t help but suddenly feel so much smaller with Shane’s arm around him, keeping him close. He spared a glance at the camera, and distinctly <em>doesn’t</em> think about what this must look like to the audience.</p>
<hr/><p>Ryan tries not to feel like a lame millennial when he sends off his fifth email of the hour, and feels some small sense of pride for ‘adult-ing’. It’s a rare day where there’s nothing on the planning docket for them to film, so Ryan spends his time catching up on the smaller managerial things that had slipped his mind in the rush to get back into the office. He’s looking through email submissions of <em>’Are You Scared?’</em> stories when he sees a steaming mug of coffee get placed down next to the Paddingtons’ throne.</p><p>He blinks at it in surprise, and looks up to thank whoever his coffee guardian angel was, unsurprised in the slightest to see Shane standing there with his own Professor mug in hand, the paint chipped around the puppet’s lime green nose. He let out a small gasp of thanks, lifting the coffee up and blowing away the steam. He took a small sip didn’t even flinch at the temperature, instead just grateful for the sweet caffeine high he so desperately needed. He swallowed and let out a pleased sigh in appreciation. “You’re a saint.” he tells Shane in awe.</p><p>Shane shrugged, “Just doing my duty. Gotta make sure my co-founder doesn’t die from coffee-deficiency.”</p><p>Ryan groaned, and gestured to his computer screen. “You know, they never tell you just how many emails you have to reply to when you make a company. There should be a warning before you take the job.”</p><p>Shane hummed in understanding, before smirking. “I seem to remember Steven Lim telling us that over and over again before the launch.” Shane looked over at the man in question who sat oblivious to their discussion about him, with his headphones firmly secured on his head, typing away at his own computer, probably replying to emails just like Ryan. “We should have listened to him, huh?”</p><p>“I’ll die before listening to Steven’s advice.” Ryan muttered into the rim of the coffee mug.</p><p>Shane laughed and leant down to press a kiss to the crown of Ryan’s head. “Don’t work too hard, or you'll make me look bad.” Shane joked into his hair before leaning back and swaggering away, as if he hadn’t just sent Ryan into shock. He lifted a hand to his hair, and brushed over the spot where Shane’s lips had just been with a dazed expression.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell was that? </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Ryan started to pay close attention to Shane after that. While the man had hugged him in the past, he was hard pressed to remember a time when Shane had casually kissed him during a conversation. In fact, Ryan couldn’t remember a time he had seen Shane kiss <em> anyone </em> in public, even when he had girlfriends in the past. It had come so entirely out of left field that it rocked Ryan to his core in a way he hadn’t quite expected.</p><p>He never paid attention to how Shane had interacted with the others in the office before lockdown, but Ryan knew that he was reserved around them. He was their boss after all (as was Ryan, much to his chagrin) so he had never gone around giving people hugs all willy-nilly like some kind of lunatic. And if Shane had barely touched <em> Ryan </em>before lockdown, it was safe to say that their employees had probably never so much as gotten a pat on the back from the man.</p><p>So Ryan watched intently as Shane passed by Lauren’s desk to check in on an edit she had been working on. He watched as Shane gently placed a hand on the back of her chair to lean closer to the screen. He’s in her space, but not uncomfortably so, he keeps his distance and just hovers above her. There's no point of contact between the two of them at any point while Shane’s there. Ryan studies Lauren’s face and tries to see if she looks uneasy with Shane being close, but her face remains impassive with her eyes trained on the screen too.</p><p>When the edit presumably finishes, Shane stands back up straight and gives a few notes which she notes down with a nod. Then, as he leaves, he pats her shoulder and tells her to keep up the good work. It doesn’t last for very long, in fact Ryan barely caught it and he was watching them too closely to be deemed normal. But then Shane’s hand is gone and he’s heading back to his own desk again like nothing happened, leaving Ryan to ponder about what it had meant, ignoring the sudden dryness in his throat.</p>
<hr/><p>It comes to a head a month after lockdown finishes.</p><p>Despite the crazy seemingly never-ending rush to start work on their bigger more intensive series, things had calmed down enough to the point where Ryan no longer had to have a daily Tylenol just to cope with the stress headaches. That Friday had felt like a sigh of relief for all of them and there was a sense of accomplishment in the air that Ryan cherished. Ryan called the end of the workday at five o’clock on the dot, insisting everyone go home and enjoy their weekends. Their editing team packed up quickly, eager to get out of the door and relax, a few of them sending him tired smiles and waves as they went.</p><p>Soon enough it was just the co-founders in the room, but even Steven was out of the door within five minutes. He hesitated by the door and threw the keys at Shane, reminding them to lock up when they left. Then, it was just him and Shane in the office. Ryan finished off the last of his script for Unsolved with a sigh, though he technically shouldn’t have been working on Buzzfeed stuff during Watcher company hours, but he felt too much of a dedication to his first born to work on it at home when he was already out of the working headspace.</p><p>The new Unsolved season was turning out to be quite promising, with the ‘Feed even supplying them with a little bit of extra budget for animating that Ryan was pleased about. He had been trying to give the Unsolved animators more money for a good few seasons now, and it seemed like his consistent badgering of the higher ups had done the trick.</p><p>“That’s a wrap.” he said quietly as he saved and saved again, before shutting down his computer. He stretched until his stiff back cracked, and let out a groan.</p><p>Ryan turned around and saw Shane waiting for him by the door, eyes trained on his phone and the Professor’s body hanging halfway out of his work bag. Ryan laughed at the sight, making Shane look up from his screen. “It looks like you’re kidnapping him.” he clarified, pointing to the floppy body of the fuzzy blue academic.</p><p>Shane blinked and looked down at his back, before letting out his own laugh. “A new American Girl Doll outfit came in the mail today and I need to make sure it fits him.” Shane plucked the Professor from his bag and placed his hand inside, making the puppet come to life. Then in The Professor’s voice, he chirped, <em> “I’m a Victoria’s Secret model, don’tcha know?” </em></p><p>Ryan shakes his head but finds that he can’t stop the easy grin from spreading onto his face at Shane’s nonsense. He picks up his own work bag and heads over to Shane, reaching out to adjust the Professor’s hat from where it had gotten a little crooked in Shane’s bag. “You gonna let me win this season, Professor?” he asked the puppet, bending down a little to look it in the eyes. “Or are you gonna cheat the system again?”</p><p><em> “There’s no cheating in academia, young man.” </em>The Professor replied, haughty.</p><p>“Well <em> that’s </em> a lie.” Ryan glowered. He looked away from the Professor’s static face to Shane’s own expressive one. “Let me win and I’ll buy you lunch.”</p><p>Shane snorted and removed the Professor from his hand. “You buy me lunch four out of five days a week anyway, Ryan.”</p><p>“Only because you’re a cheapskate.” Ryan huffed, pushing the door to the office open and holding it open for Shane to walk through. Shane shuffled past and pulled out the keys to lock the door, making sure to set the alarm before doing so. “And you don’t exactly tell me to stop.” Ryan added.</p><p>Shane wheezed with a smile and looked at him fondly. He tested the door to make sure it was locked, then put the keys in his bag. “Maybe you’ll win one day. In the very last episode.” he muses, “It could be your character arc.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ, man.” Ryan snorted.</p><p>They headed out to the car park, making idle chatter along the way. As they walked, Ryan felt Shane’s hand brush against his own and he looked down to see Shane reaching his fingers out delicately to tangle together with Ryan’s. Sensing that Shane was waiting for him to decide what to do, Ryan moved his hands so that they could properly hold hands as they walked, letting their hands swing between them slowly.</p><p>They reached the car park too soon for Ryan’s liking, and Shane pulled out his phone from his pocket with his free hand. “My Uber should be here soon.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>They didn’t make a move to pull away.</p><p>Clearing his throat, Ryan swung their hands a little as they stood together. “Can I ask you a question?”</p><p>“Besides that one?” Shane teased in a light voice.</p><p>Ryan shoved him. “Jackass.” He held up their hands so that they were at eye level. “You’ve gotten a lot more… comfortable since we came back.” Shane hesitated, and Ryan could feel him start to pull away, like he was caught doing something wrong. “I don’t mind!” Ryan quickly assures him. “I’m just kinda wondering… why?”</p><p>Shane pulled his hand away properly this time and Ryan’s heart swelled with guilt, wondering if he had said something wrong. “Being in isolation was harder on me than I expected.” Shane admitted quietly, as if he was somehow ashamed for being basically alone for the past year.</p><p>Ryan could understand that, both of them had spent lockdown living alone and hadn’t had much human contact outside of the daily calls for Watcher or recording a video. It had been a long time since anyone had just <em> hung out </em> with them without it seemingly incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. Ryan lifted his hands up to his stomach to play with them, pinching at the skin between his thumb and his forefinger. “I get that, man. Did you just miss us?”</p><p>Shane looked pained for a moment before reaching a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck, seemingly unsure of how to continue. “I just think I missed what being close to people felt like.” and then, quieter. “I missed what it felt like to be close to <em> you </em>.”</p><p>Ryan’s breath faltered in his chest and he ducked his head down in embarrassment. “Oh.”</p><p>They stood there in silence for a moment, both of their cheeks flushed in a way that wasn’t just the heat of the summer. “I missed being close to you too, man.” Ryan said eventually, so quiet it felt like a secret.</p><p>Shane smiled shyly, his eyes kind when he looked at Ryan. Then, without so much as a warning, he brought his arms around his body and pulled him into a tight hug. </p><p>Shane’s head rested gently against his, arms wrapped around Ryan’s waist and connecting at the back. Ryan pressed his face to the soft fabric of Shane’s shirt, breathing in the lavender scent of his detergent allowing himself to feel drunk on it. He brought his own hands up to wrap around Shane’s neck, forcing him to stand on his tip-toes and press his entire weight against him for support so he didn’t go toppling over onto the tarmac. He squeezed his eyes shut and just listened to Shane’s steady breathing as he hugged him, and the hummingbird wing beat of his heart in his chest. </p><p>Shane let out a content hum and lowered his head so that he could tuck his face into the crook of his neck, pressing his lips there in an almost kiss. Ryan shuddered lightly at the touch and felt electricity run up his back at the sensation. It had been so <em> long </em>since he had been held like this. So long since he had been held with such obvious fondness that he wasn’t sure if his poor heart could take too much of it.</p><p>They stood there for a few minutes, just hugging, and Ryan was sure that if anyone was watching them, that the two of them looked like a couple of lovesick idiot teenagers. He almost felt like it too, wrapped up in Shane’s embrace. He made a move to pull away a little, but Shane only loosened his grip just enough for them to look at each other in the eyes, almost like they were in the middle of a slow dance. Ryan was sure that his face was red at this point, and he could see Shane’s own telltale tinge of pink high on the apple of his cheeks. Ryan tried to ignore the swoop of happiness in his belly that came with the realisation that <em> he </em> had made Shane blush.</p><p>They stared at each other for a moment before they both looked away from each other, suddenly bashful. “Sorry, that was a little--” Ryan started.</p><p>“No, no, it’s fine--”</p><p>“I didn’t realise how much I needed that.” Ryan admitted, and pulled himself out of Shane’s arms. “The things you don’t realise you miss when you’re in isolation, huh?”</p><p>“Tell me about it.” Shane laughed.</p><p>A car honked to their left and they saw Shane’s Uber pull into the carpark, “Oh, that’ll be my carriage to take me to the ball.” Shane droned, making Ryan snort out an unattractive laugh.</p><p>Ryan watched as Shane hailed the car over and turned to say goodbye to the man. Shane waved to him and opened the car door, when Ryan got the sudden urge to do something that he’d never had before. </p><p>He reached forward before Shane could get into the car and very gently pressed a kiss to his friends mouth. Shane froze against the car and Ryan took the opportunity to lift his hand to Shane’s jaw, holding him in place. The kiss didn’t last long, barely even two seconds, but soon they were pulling away and Shane was staring at him with a daze dreamy look on his face.</p><p>“I’ll see you on Monday, right?” Ryan asked, suddenly shy.</p><p>“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, baby.” Shane replied, his voice high and far too wrecked to sound as suave as he no doubt wanted.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Ryan [22:37] </em>
</p><p>How comes you didn’t touch Steven as much as you touched me? You’re his friend too</p><p>
  <em> Shane [22:38] </em>
</p><p>Steven has cooties and my cootie shot was pushed back to make way for the COVID vaccination :/ </p><p>
  <em> Shane [22:38] </em>
</p><p>And he’s not as cute as you &lt;3</p><p>
  <em> Ryan [22:39] </em>
</p><p>Shut up, Shane.</p><p>
  <em> Ryan [22:40] </em>
</p><p>&lt;3</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed this 4k word excuse to write Shane hugging Ryan. Feel free to send me a message on tumblr or twitter @scallywap, or leave a comment! Mwah, toodles.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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